I: Loneliness
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: [I] A lost girl yearns to return to the way it was before before the changes. Unfortunately, no one can turn back time. Rated for the usual 'I' angst, and some cussing and shounen ai.


Digimon's not mine. I've built the bridge.  
  
*bursts into tears*   
  
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Shi-chan: Eep! Shinigami Neko, gomen gomen gomen! I like changing my name. I can't be too hard to find, right? It always starts with 'Shimegami,' and the profile doesn't change! Please don't eat me! *hides*  
Seki: *rolls eyes*  
Shi-chan: Oh, and 'Argonaut,' is there lately to indicate that I'm still at camp. Camp Argonaut to be precise, LOL. It seemed fitting. -------------------------------  
  
Loneliness  
By Shimegami-chan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: AU, a little bit of shounen-ai mentioned. Rated for cursing. And, well, death. Not part of a series, but part of a set: You can read the others if you desire, and they can be read in any order at all. See the links below. ^_^  


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[:Insanity:][1] [:Clarity:][2] [:Grief:][3] [:Pride:][4] [:Memory:][5] [:Hate:][6] [:Silence:][7] [:Glass:][8] [:Homeless:][9]   
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_**Note!**_  
  
Now-customary shameless plugs.  
  
['In Your Shoes,'][10] Kenyako, **now complete!**.  
['Sadness-Colored Sandglass,'][11] Kensuke, chapter 14 updated on June 27.   
  
Thanks minna-san! On with the fic!   
  
  
  
  
  
I was the lucky one.   
  
Or so they always told me.   
  
  
I am Purity, yet stained with shame.   
  
I am a girl trapped in a future brought on myself.   
  
I'll write you a letter and tell you how I feel.   
  
The apartment is cold and silent; I guess Sora's not coming home tonight.   
  
I'm lonely. Just a little.   
  
It's not her fault, I guess. I was so happy when I found out she was moving to New York, but she's barely stayed a night since she got here. I don't know if it's one guy or a new one every night, but she comes home in the morning with a hangover and collapses into bed.   
  
She won't talk to me at all.   
  
Dark and silent, like my life. I'd give anything for someone to talk to now, but there's almost no point in trying. I picked up the phone and dialed Miyako, moving from the couch to the easy chair. It rang once, twice, three times--then the answering machine cut in.   
  
I hung up and tried Jyou instead, getting an answering machine message that instructed me to call Koushirou's cell phone. To my dismay the cell was busy; Jyou or 'Shirou were on or charging it.   
  
I'd be damned if I'd call Taichi or Hikari with what they're going through.   
  
Ken was obviously out of the question, and somehow I didn't feel comfortable pouring out my heart to Iori or Daisuke.   
  
Sora was gone.   
  
Michael was...   
  
I shivered in the darkness, the television the only thing illuminating the room. Michael had disappeared a month previous, and I hadn't heard from him since then. For the first week I had sat by the phone waiting for a call--from Michael, from the police, from anyone who could put my mind at ease. But none ever came.   
  
There had been blood in the house, a broken window. The hateful words they had told me, "We're still looking, he's still out there." and then turning around and telling the media, "Missing and presumed dead. Foul play suspected."   
  
Fuck.   
  
I want to go home. I want my old friends and my old life. Why didn't I go back to Odaiba when I graduated? None of this would have happened. The Chosen wouldn't have broken apart like this after Takeru's death; we needed to stick together. Hold together. We were a team, and we should have helped each other through this. Helped Yamato. And Ken.   
  
Too late now, there was nothing I could do but wait. Wait for Miyako to call. Wait for Sora to come home. Wait for Michael to come back alive.   
  
Just...wait. Alone in the dark.   
  
The dark, I've found, can hold both sanctuary and danger at once. I turn off the television and just sit, staring at nothing, wishing sleep to come and whisk me away from my life just one more time.   
  
The darkness creeps and slides across my skin like a wet blanket, smothering my sight and dampening my hearing. I take a sip from the wine glass on the table and then return to my pensive stance, staring blankly at the wall. What I wouldn't give to just....forget. Forget about the funeral--shouldn't I be packing?--and Taichi. Forget about Jyou, who I never stopped loving even after he got into a relationship with Koushirou. Forget abou Sora, who only lives here sometimes, and never acts like the Takenouchi Sora who was my best friend for so many years.   
  
Forget about it all.   
  
Teas begin to spill from my eyes and fall like raindrops into the glass, even though I can't see their descent in my darkened vision.   
  
They've all left me. Sora. Michael. Yamato. Takeru. Jyou.   
  
Lonely in the dark.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Shi-chan: Not many more to go for this set, ne? Jyou's up next... 

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   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=285678
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=307342
   [3]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=307473
   [4]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=313225
   [5]: http://www.members.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=313281
   [6]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=321680
   [7]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=321690
   [8]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=321686
   [9]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=348104
   [10]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=278819&Chapter=4
   [11]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=229476&Chapter=14



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